To RSVP or Not To RSVP

Ah, yes. That is the question. So many brides now days are cutting costs where ever they can, and with their invitations, its no exception. The biggest trend we are seeing with RSVPs is that brides no longer want to use them. They are throwing tradition out the window in favor of a modern day, technological solution : the telephone and Internet.

Many brides are signing up for free wedding websites that allow their guests to respond directly on that site. Instead of sending an rsvp, they are including a line on the invitation that reads "please rsvp by going to {insert website here} or by calling {insert phone number}."

Other brides do not even care if they request an RSVP at all. I have had several brides tell me they know exactly who's coming and they is no need to ask.

I find the trend pretty startling. Being a stickler for details, I would go crazy not knowing who is planning on attending. (And I assume plated dinner choices have gone out the window because they don't need to know what everyone wants to eat.)

We do still have some traditional brides that want all the pieces. (Thank you, ladies!) In fact, its funny to hear a bride say, "I printed the address on the response envelope and stamped it for my guests, so they better respond!" My thinking exactly. What a perfect wedding world it would be if everyone responded in a timely manner.

For those wanting to take it a step further, we were given this helpful tip about sending RSVPs. Number the back of each one according to your list. This way you know exactly who hasn't responded as well as know who responded when their handwriting is hard to read.

If you are scared of extra guests attending the wedding (which is another growing trend since couples want to cut costs and not pay for a date you picked up in a bar last night!), is to write in the number of guests on the RSVP before sending them out. This can be tricky if not all of the party can attend, but it will clearly state who you are allowing to attend.

So Internet, telephone, postcard, card or nothing at all. The options have definitely changed for wedding responses. What is the best solution for you? When in doubt, put it on paper.

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Social Etiquette - How to Handle Guests Who Invite Themselves to Your Wedding

It never fails. You write your guest list, consider your budget, and begin making cuts. Then someone you didn't plan on inviting to your wedding starts talking about how they can't wait to attend the event.

When planning our wedding, I actually had a coworker tell me she couldn't wait to come and wanted to know if she could bring a guest. First off, she wasn't dating anyone. So this guest would be just some random she would have picked up at a bar. Second, I wasn't planning on inviting her anyways because I did not know her very well at the time. (She had just started to work with me a few months before the wedding.)

In such circumstances, the best course of action is not to have bad manners in return. Most of these people do not realize they are being rude, and do not consider the cost of adding more people to the guest list (and often have not planned a wedding themselves to know the pressure and stress you are under!)

Instead, try to stay gracious and tactful. Let them know you can only invite enough people that your budget will allow, which may only be your family and closest friends. End with it is unfortunate because there are many people you would like to invite but will not be able to.

This simple statement can help you dodge this awkward situation, and hopefully avoid inflating you guest list - and your budget.

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First Step: Guest List

When planning a wedding, there are many details that you have to be aware of. One of the most important ones is the guest list. The people you decide to have at your wedding will help determine what location it will be at, what food and entertainment you may have, and most importantly, the cost of the affair.

When you begin your planning, Be In Love Designs suggest that the first thing you do is create a guest list. While others may argue that a budget should be the first thing, we believe knowing a general idea of how many people will attend can then help you decide on a budget. (Some times it is just not realistic to have a small budget and hundreds of guests.)

How do you start? Well, a great way is to create several lists that help organize possible attendees into categories. For example, write all of your coworkers on a list labeled coworkers, another for family, and another for friends. Then, as most of the time parents are closely involved in the wedding, ask them for who they would like you to invite. (Most of the time their list will be small.)

Once you have compiled everyone on your lists, start separating them into “A” and “B” lists. The “A” list will be those who are definitely invited and “B” for those who may get cut in the future. Many online wedding planning sites make this easy by letting you organize the list this way. You should also include name holders, such as “Mike’s Date” if you are allowing guests to bring dates.

Finally, start removing the guests you are ok with not attending the wedding. Really think about this. Not everyone has to come, and it is your money you are spending, so people should understand if they didn’t make the cut.

As stated before, a budget is very important factor in the final decision of the guest list. Also, your guest list will often change in the course of planning the wedding because of couples getting together or breaking up, and meeting new people. The venue you choose may also not hold as many people you originally wanted to attend the wedding. Just remember to be flexible and don’t feel bad if everyone doesn’t make the cut.

Lessons of this post:
• Start with multiple lists and get input from others.
• Separate guests into “A” and “B” lists.
• Consider budget, venue, etc.
• Remember your list will probably change.
• Don’t feel bad if everyone doesn’t make the cut.

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